;) Blended Families. That’s the term that evolved over the years that was more acceptable in today’s society. That’s not what they called them when I was growing up. We were STAMPED with a big ol Red “D” on our foreheads, known as divorce kids. My brother and I were very young when our parents divorced. I was 5 and he was only 3. This was back in the ’80s and divorce wasn’t necessarily unheard of, but there was only a handful of us kids who were classified as Divorced Kids (or this is how I felt). The break-up wasn’t the most amicable therefore that alone came with its own challenges for all of us. Our parents tried their best and always came from a place of love and light. There weren’t many resources for families back then, as there are nowadays and that too played a part. Although, the divorce of our family played a HUGE role later, in my parenting style; I honestly had a happy childhood and always knew that our parents loved my brother and me. A few years later our father would remarry and our mother continued to raise my brother and me as a single mom, all the way into our teenage years. I can’t say if one was “better” than the other, nor would I ever want to compare the two; however the two different family structures were as opposite as one might imagine. Complete night and day, difference. Over the years, our childhood would be spent bee-bopping between Dad’s house and Mom’s. That worked really well until it didn’t. Life went on and we all sort of fell into this routine that eventually led to my brother living with our Dad and his family; while I stayed and finished my schooling with our Mom. It wasn’t until years later when I started to take a communications class in college that it dawned on me that perhaps I needed to initiate the steps that it would take to heal the estranged relationship that my father and I both allowed to happen over the course of his second marriage. I did find within myself that a lot of the emotions I had suppressed came from a place of feeling neglected and unimportant. I vowed to myself that I would always be cognizant of whenever and if ever I was blessed to become a parent. It wasn’t until I found my own marriage starting to fall apart that I realized what role I was to play in co-parenting with my ex. We were blessed with his baby girl from a previous relationship and then about 5 years later we created our own little earthbound angel. It was the four of us until that too dissipated. For reasons that I choose to keep private out of respect for my family, I won’t go into detail or specifics on the hows and the why’s; but I found myself in a position that scared the hell out of me all at the same time inspired me to “Do Better”. That’s exactly what I did. I made lemonade out of lemons and was ready to take on this co-parenting gig full throttle. This is when it “CLICKED”!!!! Just because I felt a certain way about co-parenting, didn’t mean that EVERYONE involved felt the same way. And I couldn’t wrap my head around it. Why can’t we all get along? Why can’t this be an opportunity to show our children how much they mean to us and put all the petty BS to the side? It took me some time to adjust to this idea and a lot of late-night conversations with my current husband. We discussed his experience with being a divorced child and all of his experiences as an adult who was also trying to co-parent with his children’s mother. (She’s an entirely different story at a later time). This was a wonderful thing though, because my husband and I felt the exact same way about co-parenting. It didn’t have to include all the drama from our previous marriages, co-parenting was for the kiddos. I didn’t want to go back and he didn’t want to go back so that scenario was off the table from the jump. That night we decided that as long as it benefited our children, we would first and foremost put the children’s best interest first. Even though we didn’t really know what the hell we were doing or how we were going to achieve this. Hahaha. They don’t send you off to divorce court with a manual on how to co-parent. We were literally the blind leading the blind, but we knew what NOT to do from our own childhood memories. As the years passed my stepdaughter grew up and started her own journey, me respecting her boundaries and space; we unfortunately lost contact for a while which I’m overwhelmingly happy to report now that we’re close as we’ve ever been. It took a couple of different individuals to become part of our Quad Parenting Team, but by the grace of God my ex-husband found his life partner and she was the last ingredient that we needed to make this magical team complete. Now, about eight years later we have conquered many many trials and tribulations together. My ex-husband, his spouse, my current husband, and I have created the most beautiful and organic friendship. No, we don’t attend each other's family vacations, and no we don’t call each other to hang out. There are some boundaries that we’ve unknowingly set. But when it comes to the kids; all four of us will jump at the chance to get together and show our children how much they mean to us and how we can all respect and value each other's existence. How did we do this??? Hell if I know!!! Hahaha. Is this really something everyone can do? That’s not for me to say. My intent in sharing this story with you is to share how blessed we have been. It took a lot of eating humble pie to get to this point. But I can say with the utmost confidence and pride that somehow, someway we have all bent and molded and respected our differences and come together for our children’s sake. It’s not easy. There will be arguments. There will be times when you’ll wanna pick up the phone and unleash the beast within you to stick it to your ex. But remember this, if you do choose the hostile and negative route; you are only harming your child. Yeah, you might feel better at the moment that you told them off; but that’s only a temporary fix compared to a lifetime of memories that you are making for your Bebe. So if you can pivot and make your lives a bit easier and a heck of a lot more healthier for your kiddos; find a way to make it work. Sort of like we did. And then we were just blessed with bonus friendships and less awkward BBQs. Haha. Disclaimer: Yes, I am fully aware that not all family dynamics will allow this to happen and that there are special cases where this could not pertain to everyone’s situation. And I’m sorry for that, my heart goes out to ya. Just love on your children for as long and as hard as you can. This experience alone has made the world of a difference from the Blended Family that I grew up in. As always, please reach out if you know someone who might need to hear this. My inbox is always open. Xoxo Ash Marie Email: ashgillespie99@gmail.com