How “Unveiled” Do You Want?

New Year, New Adventures.

It's wild how fast time flies before you realize it's the only constant thing.  Never-ending or never changing.  It's one of the only things that I can rely on that I KNOW will continue to cycle........until it doesn't.  Here's the thing: when it stops, I stop.  Or so that's what our systematically organized current reality says will happen.  Right?  But what if it's not that simple?  What if it's not that cut and dry?  What if the black-and-white mentality is, in fact, other shades or hues of a spectrum that we can't fully see?  This is just an example of why I am so fascinated with colors.  They're part of a bigger picture, and I mean that quite literally.  Imagine only being shown these specific colors, the only ones we are made to believe exist.  Then, one day, the idea of a slightly different color shows up, and you think, "Wow.  What's that beautiful thing over there?"  Or you can think the complete opposite and close your eyes because it's not part of our RULES.  That choice is up to us and only us.  ie: Is your glass half empty or full?

Things are happening around us whether we want to know about it.  The reason it's a bit different this time is because technology has moved so quickly in the last few decades that our knowledge span has grown much faster than what we have evolved to be capable of.  Our Neurological brains have to play catch up with the knowledge we have discovered.  And I mean that as a whole and general sense, not just IT.  How many of us have vowed to be more emotionally aware of our behaviors?  I know I have.  Hell, I vowed the entire year of 2023 that I was going to do whatever was necessary to start healing some deeply embedded emotional wounds that continued to poison my life in one shape or form.  Once I could get into a place where I felt safe enough to start unpacking all of that, it was then and only then that I could start making some changes that began to improve my life and my family.  Am I there at the Mother Load of Peace and Tranquility?????  Hell no!!!!  But I'm closer.  Did I have to eat some nasty bitter-tasting Humble Pie on the way?  Yup, and it was every ounce of disgusting as I thought it'd be.  Did I piss a lot of people off on the way when I continuously over and over made the same mistakes again and again?  Sure did.  Not on purpose, but I know I unintentionally pushed people away that I had vowed to love.  This is the part that I need to make sure is translated in the most authentically articulated way to my inner circle.  I didn't mean to maliciously harm or hurt any one of my friends or family.  My heart is pure, and my intention has always been to share my love and light with those who are open.  That said, I am me.  I have learned and relearned what that means for me.  Not you.  Not my parents.  Not my partner.  Not my friends or foes.  ME.  And she has evolved, changed, grown, and fallen over these decades.  I'm supposed to.  You're supposed to.  We are all supposed to evolve in one way or another.  It's what makes us......H....U....M.....A.....N..........  Ready for this one?  We are ALL HUMAN and have a HUMAN experience here on this planet.  I am BY FAR the furthest away from saying that what I do is the end all say all.  I am in no way, shape, or form stating that my word is gospel and it's the way of the land.  Are you kidding me?  If you knew me in person, you'd know this is far from the truth.  I have never said there's only one way or the highway.  I pride myself in almost always seeking alternate routes.  Breaking the molds and bending the rules a tad.  Always with positive energy and never to harm or send negative energy back.  However......I have since evolved, as mentioned above.  I WILL emphasize and redefine my boundaries.  I will speak up for myself, stand up for myself, however you'd like to word it.  And this also may look very different from person to person or situation by situation.  It's all relative......like TIME.  But it's now become an essential part of my mental health.  That's ME.  That's what I have taken the most precious time away from my loved ones to seek.  I needed these last two years to be a literal soul-searching quest for myself because I had lived in such pandemonium for so long.  Unknowingly.  That's the sad part.  I didn't know I was creating this part of me who'd take over and live in such a high-stress environment, always waiting for the next big mountain to climb.  I didn't realize that the part of me that I had created, I've named it SOLDIER MODE if you're familiar with how I spoke about it in the past, was a part of me that I had created out of survival mode.  I've since learned that this is a PTSD response to previous situations I've had to endure and live through.  Have you or others had experiences like this where you've looked back and made those connections?  Yes...I'm sure many of you can pinpoint something you experienced that made you feel slightly more upset than you had initially expected.  I am not taking that away from anyone, gaslighting anyone, or invalidating another's experience.  Please don't mistake my words for that message.  I know that we live among others who have had it worse, suffered in silence, or have come out of these challenging times smelling like roses or unscathed.  Bravo XXXX  Excellent. I acknowledge you and give space to those who might have a different experience or outlook than me.  I am in no way, shape, or form saying that this is the ONLY way or ONLY opinion on the matter. I'm simply sharing my experiences and healing journey with those interested or open to a different approach to life.  I tend to look at the brighter side of things, and that's just a core value of mine that is in my makeup; what I didn't know until recently was that I had created a part of me that would automatically take over and never flip a switch off to refuel.  Instead, that part of me learned how to always live on alert and trick myself into thinking that I was refueling with poisonous gasoline. I was in an Unleaded car docking at the Diesel Fueling station at Petro.  :)  Unfortunately, I filled my engine up with that diesel fuel a few too many times, and I blew my engine.  That's where I took the last two years; I rebuilt my engine and made a new version that not all will understand.  My new engine not only takes the Unleaded fuel that it's created to run on, but it also runs on diesel fuel and is a hybrid TOO!  So, how does that work for my metaphorical examples?  Haha.  And if I've lost you, then welcome aboard.  Ha.  I have been known to be quite different on numerous occasions.  Ha.  

In closing, this is my year.  2024.  This is YOUR year.  This is OUR year to allow ourselves to be a bit messy.  To be a bit un-OK.  To be different.  Things are changing whether we want them to or not.  But are you going to open your eyes or leave them shut?  That choice is up to you.  Me?  I'm going to keep them open and allow other possibilities to at least co-exist with me.  I'm not depriving these different possibilities of their oxygen to breathe.  Because we all have the right to air.  At least for now, we do.  Wink Wink.  

Please email me your thoughts and ideas.  Questions?  Send those to me, too.  We're launching our podcast, Moon, this next quarter, and we'd love to share your thoughts there, too.  Email at ashgillespie99@gmail.com 

In case no one has told you today, I love you!  You matter to me.  Xoxox- Ash Marie